Is it me?
Is it them?
This is a question I find myself asking roughly once, maybe twice a year. I find some people who I sort of become friends with. Over time we realise we have so much in common and that we'll inevitably be bestfriends forever. And then we get to know each other a bit more. The irks, the quirks. And this is when I start to ask the questions.
Is it me?
Is it them?
It's probably a combination on me being a pretty intolerant human being. I can deal with difference from a far better than most. What I've found I'm far from great at, is accepting opinions or actions that I don't agree with from the people closest to me.
As I sit here and think about it. When this tends to happen, I can't think of one occasion when I've actually confronted the individual and expressed my feelings; rather, I just sort of let us drift apart. Gradually shutting the door. And the only one who really loses out is me. Because when all the doors begin to close, everyone else still has all but one of their doors left to explore.
In my head it's a good analogy (it doesn't quite seem to work on paper). What happens when the number of open doors reduces, is that those doors become more significant and if something goes awry, it can have a greater effect much more quickly.
Eurgh. There's just a mess of a brain on a plate.
Basically. I'm crap at keeping friends. I blame people for annoying/upsetting me, and then blame myself for not tolerating or forgiving them...
And when you feel at the edges of isolation with only a few bits of feeble string keeping you stitched into reality, it can all feel a bit shit. Loneliness with people around you is the most exhausting kind of loneliness.